Balance in My Life

by Matthew Reardon

Since I can remember I have had a difficult time balancing my life. I've always been all out for something; doing something to the extreme or not even doing it at all in fear of over doing it.

I've never had a few drinks for a social occasion. It's always been all out till the sun comes up type shit, sleep till an hour before work(second shift), be sick all night at work and then by the time my eight hour shift was nearing the end, do it all again. Well that all landed me into some legal and financial trouble along with a few other extra curricular activities.

So its time to cut that shit out. So I go two two and half years with nothing. I think the most I drank was a sip of some home made beer my friend's dad brewed up to see how the taste was. So there lacked some balance.

But it doesn't stop there. Its in the amount of love I show someone or the lack there of, the time I spend with my friends or not at all.

Knowing when to walk away in an argument or taking it to the next level and possibly making myself look like a complete a-hole whether I was right or wrong.

Balance in relationships is the hardest for me. I either treat someone like a queen and bow to them when called upon, or I could just give a shit if they where happy or not.

That is why I feel more often than not I remain subject to the fear of being walked all over or just not caring at all...

Now work, there are times I would be at work as much as they needed me there, if they asked me to stay twenty four hours I probably would and then other months I could just give a shit if they let me go or not...

The gym same thing, I used to go the gym religiously and if I missed a day or two, I'd give up all together.

So maybe I'm gonna live my whole life this way or maybe I'm gonna recognize it when it happens and balance it out.